


The Stones in Our Path

by Jellymish



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Gen, Post-Fullmetal Alchemist Manga, Post-Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, TW: Descriptions of Gender Dysphoria, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Roy Mustang, fma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 22:16:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19118779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jellymish/pseuds/Jellymish
Summary: You never know what the future holds. One day you think you can conquer the world, only to find that life has its own plans. Roy Mustang knows that more than anyone.(Formerly "self made man", title was changed and might change again because I'm expanding the story.)





	The Stones in Our Path

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Descriptions of Gender Dysphoria!
> 
> I wrote the first chapter to vent my feelings, so if you're vulnerable to descriptions of gender dysphoria, tread carefully. Also, chapter 2 will be a while, as I've expanded the story. A lot. XD I'm planning to write the whole thing before I post. (3 acts, at least 10 chapters. And it's going well. I'm super excited!)
> 
> Anyhow, until then, I hope you enjoy this blurb.

Roy Mustang stood, his hands on the placed on the edges of the sink to support his upper body. He was leaning forward, his eyes inches from the mirror, scanning the features reflected back at him. Round face, long, black strands of hair that threatened to obscure his dark eyes. The little bit of stubble on his chin that he was quite proud of. There was fear in that face. And hope. Maybe a little bit of resentment and the tiniest bit of uncertainty. Too many contradicting feelings too count. And too many to contain. Still, somehow he was succeeding. Barely. No screaming or shouting, no curling up and crying on the floor, as much as he wanted to. He wouldn’t let himself burst like that. He couldn’t do that, not to Madame. She was worried enough as it was, even though she didn’t show it. Runs in the family, he thought, recognizing the irony in his own thoughts. She didn’t show anything because she didn’t want to worry him and he did the same in return.  
  
Roy let a breath escape his tensed-up body, felt his shoulders slump and let his head follow suit. He glanced at his hands. They were white from the pressure of his grip. Standing up straight, Roy took his hands off the sink and started massaging some life back into them. Once again, he examined his own reflection, this time letting his eyes wander downwards and away from his face. When his gaze hit his chest, he couldn’t help but freeze. He was wearing a shirt that was very obviously too big for him, but then again he always did, no matter if he used compression or not. He didn’t now. Wasn’t allowed to. Of course, Roy knew the reason for that, but it still angered him. They wanted his body to be in tip top shape, wanted nothing to interfere with the procedure in the slightest way. It was dangerous enough as it was, an experiment not yet tested on many subjects. And a technically illegal one too. Yes, he understood the concerns and the dangers, but still. The way his shirt followed the form of his chest, the way the thin fabric brushed up against his skin, the weight of all the matter pulling at him, matter that he knew to his core shouldn’t be there… it would drive him into a frenzy if he let himself think about it too much. And yet, he couldn’t keep himself from being acutely aware of it. This would usually be the point where he either distracted himself or tried to compress his upper body as tightly as he could, with whatever was lying around. He couldn’t do either of those things right now. However, what he could do was to lean forward once more so he could avoid seeing or feeling his chest.  
  
It didn’t work. All it did was make the sensations worse. „Damn it all…“ he muttered, letting his head hang. Fear was creating a growing pit in his stomach and his eyes were filling with tears of distress. But he wasn’t going to break down, not now. Not when the end of this was so close, not with Madame waiting for him outside. He had to be brave. In two hours’ time he would be put to sleep and it would all be over.  
  
Roy sucked in a big gulp of air, trying to calm himself. „Hold on to that thought…“ he told himself with a quavering voice. „It’ll be gone. It’ll all be over. Today’s the day.“ Roy took one last glance at his own glistening eyes in the mirror and stepped out into the hallway. In his mind, the words _‚Today’s the day‘_ continued repeating themselves like a mantra.  
  
Madame Christmas was already standing there, his coat in her arms and an overnight bag by her feet. „Ready, Roy-boy?“ she said, a little smile warming up her stern features. Roy fixed her eyes with his. Some of the anxiety he’d been feeling washed away. She was probably just as scared as he was, but she was doing a damn good job at concealing it. He’d have to thank her later, after he woke up. Roy took another deep, calming breath. „Let’s go before I do it myself,“ he declared, took his coat from her and picked up the bag.  
  
Chris barked out a laugh. „Hah! Well, good luck with that, kid. You’re a good alchemist, but surgical alchemy is a whole other ballgame. You’d be in over your head.“  
  
„Who says I don’t already know?“ Roy couldn’t help but smile at her. Alchemy. This was a welcome distraction and she knew it. „Maybe I snuck some books into my room and secretly studied them.“  
  
„You couldn’t even smuggle a sweet past me as a child, Roy-boy! I would have found out.“ She tapped the side of her nose „Mother knows all.“  
  
Roy laughed. „You got me there. I still don’t know how you do it, but for some reason you always know when I’m up to something. I wonder what gives me away.“  
  
„You can continue wondering. I’m not gonna tell you.“  
  
„You’re a cruel woman, Madame.“  
  
Madame Christmas gave him the side-eye. „You still haven’t stopped with that?“  
  
„With what?“ Roy asked with feigned innocence.  
  
„Calling me ‚Madame‘. I liked it when you still called me Auntie Chris.“  
  
„As long as you continue calling me Roy-boy, I will continue calling you Madame. That way we’ll both be equally unhappy.“  
  
This time it was Chris’s turn to laugh. „Battle of the titles? Well. We’ll see who cracks first, Roy-boy.“  
  
For a moment, they continued walking in amiable silence. They’d just turned off their street to slip into a dark, narrow side-alley. The space was only wide enough for one person to walk comfortably, so Roy let his aunt take the lead. A cold wind brushed past them and he pulled his coat tighter around himself, letting out a shaky breath. Madame Christmas turned her head. „You okay?“ she asked him, her expression grim.  
  
„Of course,“ Roy replied, which meant „No, not at all“. Chris stretched out her hand behind her back. After a moment’s hesitation, he grasped it and received a reassuring squeeze from her in return. „You’ll see, it’ll be worse for me than it’ll be for you. You’ll get to sleep through the whole thing, I’m the one who’s going to have to wait and bite her nails.“  
  
Roy let out a sigh. „I’m sorry.“  
  
„Eh.“ Chris shrugged her shoulders. „It’s what mothers do. Seeing your face after all this is over... It’s going to be worth the wait. Just one more thing.“ She let go of Roy’s hand to turn around and fix him with a glare. „Don’t you dare die on that table. That’s an order.“  
  
Roy stopped and glared back. For a while they stood there, staring at each other, the wind whipping past them through into the early morning twilight. Then he nodded decisively. „Yes, ma’am.“


End file.
